How To Explain Intuitive Eating to Loved Ones
/If you’re just starting out on an Intuitive Eating journey, first things first, GOOD FOR YOU! Perhaps you’ve been dabbling in the principles a bit and you’re wanting to share what you’re doing with your partner, parents, friends etc. Maybe they’re asking questions about Intuitive Eating and you’re realizing….I don’t really know what to say….
If you’re just starting out, you may feel like you don’t quite have the words to articulate what is it this process is about. I put together this blog post for you to send right to your loved ones so they can better understand what you’re doing and how to best support you. I’ll be writing this blog post as if I’m talking right to your partner, friend, parent etc.
Dear Loved One,
Thank you so much taking the time to read this article. It means so much to the person who sent it and really shows that you care about their well-being. By reading post, I know they will feel loved, supported and seen. Perhaps they told you that they’ve recently embarked on what they’re calling an “Intuitive Eating Journey”. This might leave you scratching your head wondering, “Is this another diet program?”
In this post, I’m going to explain what Intuitive Eating is, what it’s not and what the benefits are. If you’re wondering who I am, my name is Lauren Cadillac. I’m a Registered Dietitian and Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. I own a virtual private practice, helping thousands of individuals all over the world heal their relationship with food using the Intuitive Eating framework (check me out on IG). In the past, I struggled with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and orthorexia and at one point in time, I was a competitive bodybuilder. As you can probably imagine, I was not healthy physically or mentally. Intuitive Eating completely transformed my relationship with food and really, my life, which is why I’m so passionate about helping others do the same.
What you may or may not realize, depending on your own experiences and relationship with food, is that food can be deeply distressing. Some believe that the only people struggling, are the folks with a diagnosed eating disorder. In reality, you don’t need to meet the criteria for an eating disorder to struggle. In fact, a large majority of people have disordered eating patterns (this is because our culture tends to recommend fairly disordered behaviors as “healthy”). According to this survey, 3 out of 4 American women have disordered eating. “Eating habits that women think are normal – such as banishing carbohydrates, skipping meals and in some cases extreme dieting – may actually be symptoms of disordered eating.” All this to say, there are a lot of people out there struggling with food.
Disordered eating and eating disorders take over your life. Your mental real estate becomes completely preoccupied by food. Some folks restrict their intakes and do not meet their body’s biological need for food. Others find themselves bingeing on large amounts of food that far exceed what feels good in their body. Many vacillate between restricting and bingeing. Not only can this cause physical harm and discomfort, but it can create immense mental stress as well. Guilt and shame often accompany these behaviors and can leave individuals feeling trapped on a hamster wheel. This hamster wheel is also known as “yo-yo dieting” which increases the risk of heart disease and premature death. Yo-yo dieting slows the metabolism, increases binges and cravings and actually teaches the body to make and store more fat (pg. 72-74 of Intuitive Eating book). It’s linked to eating disorders and for many can lead to fatigue, hair loss, headaches, menstrual irregularities and more.
Your loved one is sick and tired of counting points, calories or macros, depriving themselves, feeling guilty for eating, and missing out on being present for life’s special moments. They’ve likely realized the harm that dieting has caused physically and mentally. Your loved one has most likely decided to explore Intuitive Eating because they want to get off the dieting hamster wheel, start respecting their body and learn to eat “normally”. If you’d like to read more about what it means to “eat normally”, click here.
This work is really important to them and their healing journey, so the fact that they are sharing this blog post with you, means you must be really important to them. We both thank you for taking the time to read this. So let’s get into it….
What is Intuitive Eating?
Intuitive Eating is a self-care eating framework that integrates emotion, instinct and rational thought. This evidenced-based approach to eating was developed by two dietitians, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resche, back in 1995. The weight-neutral framework is based on 10 principles and is backed by over 150 studies to date. Intuitive Eating teaches the individual how to honor their health by tuning back into the body and responding to the messages it gives them.
We are all born into this world as Intuitive Eaters. If you think about a very young baby, they cry when they are hungry, they eat until they are full and then push away when they are done. They don’t keep eating because they had a rough day or restrict eating because they feel guilty for “eating too much earlier”. They are still very much connected to their innate wisdom. It’s through the process of dieting, living in diet culture and often times conditioning by well-meaning family members, that someone becomes disconnected from their body. Being forced to finish your food (clean plate club) when your body tells you it’s full, disconnects you from your hunger and fullness cues. Eating only X amount of calories because a random trainer told you to, even though you’re still hungry, disconnects you from your hunger and fullness cues. Intuitive Eating helps you reconnect to the wisdom that lies within all of us.
As I mentioned, this framework is made up of 10 principles. These principles are not hard and fast rules to follow or break. In fact “all-or-nothing thinking” (also known as “black-and-white” or “dichotomous thinking”) is what we are actively trying to get away from throughout this process. These principles are gentle suggestions to help the individual experiment and see what feels good to them physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
What Are The 10 Principles?
Reject the Diet Mentality - This first principle is about examining the harm that dieting can cause, and learn about how diets don’t actually work in the long-run. Upwards of 95% of people that go on an intentional weight loss diet will regain the weight they lose within 2-5 years. Not only that, up to 2/3 of people regain MORE WEIGHT THAN THEY INITIALLY LOST, which sets the individual up for that yo-yo dieting we spoke of earlier. So not only do diets not work, but more often than not, they lead to weight gain (which is usually the opposite of what someone is going for when they embark on a diet).
Honor Your Hunger - Food is a basic, biological need. Just like we experience thirst when we need hydration, or the urge to urinate when we need to empty our bladder, hunger is our body’s way of communicating to us that we need food. Hunger is not something you can use motivation or willpower to wrestle with. You cannot '“motivate yourself” out of a basic human need (without there being dire consequences). This principle is about getting back in touch with hunger cues and honoring them instead of basing when, what, and how much to eat, off of external things - like time of day, or a calorie/macro allotment.
Make Peace with Food - We’ve been taught that some foods are “good” and some are '“bad” and while some foods are more nutrient-dense than others, it doesn’t make them “good”. Using those words introduces morality, which leads to guilt and shame. These two emotions almost always drive unwanted or unhealthy behavior (restricting/bingeing etc.) which keeps a person stuck in a vicious cycle. Not only that, but what one person thinks is “good” (tofu for example), might be “bad” for another person (who has a soy allergy). This principle is also all about giving oneself unconditional permission to eat - which I know sounds SO SCARY and like a terrible idea. Heck my first reaction to this suggestion was, “So we should just tell people to eat french fries all day?! How is that healthy?” What I didn’t realize at the time though was just how powerful deprivation is. When you tell yourself you can’t have something, you want it that much more. When you give yourself permission to eat something unconditionally, it’s suddenly not as big of a deal. By allowing yourself to have all foods, it gives you the opportunity to learn first hand how different types/amounts of food FEEL in your body. Eating nothing but french fries probably won’t leave you feeling very good, just like eating nothing but brussels sprouts won’t leave you feeling very good either. We need variety.
Challenge the Food Police - Most people have an inner critic that they believe “keeps them in check”. In reality, this critic often brings up feelings of guilt and shame, neither of which are positive motivators. As it relates to food and body, we refer to this inner critic as the “food police”. The food police says things like “Are you really going to eat all of that?!” “Omg that is so high in fat and sugar!” “You are such a pig, you better not eat anything for dinner tonight!” Can you see how harsh these phrases are? Can you see how saying those things might make someone feel guilt, shame or unworthiness? Your loved one is learning to challenge this negative inner voice and talk to themselves with more compassion. I say this with lots of love….It’s really hard to challenge the inner food police, if they are around real life food police. In order to support your loved one on this journey, they’re going to need you to keep your food and body comments to yourself. We all want to support the people we love right? But sometimes we don’t know the right things to say and wind up saying nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. Not to worry…..At the end of this post I’ll include some ways you can support someone on an Intuitive Eating journey.
Discover the Satisfaction Factor - A lot of people, immediately choose the lowest calories or “healthiest” option without any consideration for how their body feels or what it’s asking for. There’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing a salad for example, but when we choose a salad when we actually really want a sandwich, we miss out on satisfaction. Ironically when we miss out on satisfaction, it can lead to us eating more because we aren’t…..SATISFIED. Your loved one is exploring what foods they ACTUALLY LIKE. They’ve likely been told what they should or shouldn’t eat for a really long time, so now they are exploring. They’re also working on increasing satisfaction around the eating experience which may look like: eating at the kitchen table instead of standing, turning off the TV while eating, playing some nice music, lighting some candles and making mealtimes an “argument-free zone”.
Feel Your Fullness - This principle is all about learning to connect with fullness cues. Just like we have an “on” signal (our hunger cues) to eat, our body has an “off” signal to stop eating, our fullness cues. Our culture likes to tell us that our body can’t be trusted (in lots of different ways) but when we remove distractions, increase mindfulness, eat consistently and when we’re comfortably hungry, quiet the food police and choose foods that are satisfying, we can hear and honor our fullness cues. Instead of needing to rely on “portion control”, our body does it for us.
Cope With Your Emotions With Kindness - In this principle we explore what things in life impact one’s relationship with food. As you can imagine, if someone feels deeply stressed, unsupported, anxious or depressed, they will look to cope with these emotions one way or another. Some people turn to food while others turn away from it. This principle helps your loved one do two things: #1 Identify what areas of their life are in balance and which are not. They can then set boundaries, ask for help/support, schedule in more fun etc. Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup”….this helps them “fill their cup”. #2 It increases their emotional awareness allowing them to better identify how they’re feeling and what it is they truly need. It then provides them with various coping mechanisms outside of food to get their needs met. If they’re sending you this, they may need your support and I know it means SO much to them that you took the time to read this.
Respect Your Body - Most dieters have, for years, engaged in behaviors that are deeply disrespectful to their body such as: restricting food, denying it rest, wearing too tight of clothes, criticizing and picking it apart, punishing it with exercise, laxatives, or purging. Many people, women especially, are taught to hate their body (usually so a company can sell them the solution to their insecurity). While most on this journey want to eventually learn to love their body and how it looks, it’s not where we start. It’s also not realistic to expect someone that has hated their body for years and years, to start loving how it looks. In this principle your loved one is learning to show their body respect, regardless of how they feel about their body. This means eating consistently and adequately, talking kindly to themselves, no longer weighing themselves and basing their worth off a number, wearing clothes that fit their here-and-now body, not comparing their body to someone else’s, engaging in movement that feels good to them (see next principle) and doing nice things for themselves.
Movement—Feel the Difference - Rather than engaging in exercise for the sake of burning calories, this principle is all about engaging in exercise, or “movement” because it brings them joy, feels good and comes with a whole bunch of health benefits. Exercise is supposed to leave us feeling energized and strong, but more often than not, people push themselves too hard and burn out or get injured. When people workout to punish themselves for what they ate, or exercise in ways they hate, just because they think they “should”, it’s usually not sustainable. Movement is good for the body regardless of weight changes. Movement reduces stress, strengthens the heart, lungs and bones. It positively impacts the gut microbiome, memory and mood. Your loved one is exploring various types of movement to figure out what they enjoy and feels good in their body. While there are positive benefits to exercise, too much of a good thing is….not good. Many people engage in exercise in an obsessive way and may need to take a break from structured movement for some time. Your loved one may actually need to do less exercise in order to give themselves the space they need to create a healthy relationship with it.
Gentle Nutrition - The last and final principle is Gentle Nutrition. Many fear that Intuitive Eating is just about eating cakes and cookies all day and that nutrition doesn’t matter. That couldn’t be further from the truth! I like to use the example of building a house to describe this framework. If you try to build a house on a shaky foundation, the house will eventually fall. If we want a sturdy house that we can happily live in, we need to have a sturdy and solid foundation. Principles 1-9 are laying down a new, solid foundation upon which we can layer the house. If you try to give nutrition recommendations to someone that has a disordered relationship with food, they will be applied through an all-or-nothing lens and may be used to that individuals’ detriment. After we’ve excavated harmful rules and beliefs around food and body, and challenged the black-and-white thinking, we can then go in and layer on the nutrition recommendations (aka, build the house). In this principle, we talk about the importance of the three macronutrients and the role they play in the body. We talk about fiber, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and more. We talk about nutrition as a way to support, nourish and take care of the body. Good nutrition is a matter of addition, not subtraction. Instead of saying “stop eating ___, you can’t have ___” (deprivation backfires remember?), we focus on what you can ADD to a meal to increase the fiber, protein or whatever it is that person needs to support their body. Intuitive Eating can also be used if the individual is looking to manage cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease etc. Check out this link to learn more.
As you can see, this process is all about reconnecting to the body, developing self-trust, self-compassion and treating the body with respect. This framework is designed to help heal a person’s relationship with food.
So What is Intuitive Eating NOT?
It is NOT about weight loss (it’s not a diet). In fact, this is a weight-neutral approach, meaning that weight loss is not the goal. We allow the body to do what it’s going to do. I know that may sound scary because we’ve been taught certain body sizes are “unhealthy” but you can’t assess a person’s health by looking at their body or their weight. To learn more about why I, and other Intuitive Eating dietitians don’t focus on weight loss, click here. The goal of this process isn’t to eat less or to only eat when “perfectly hungry”. The goal is to help the individual experiment, observe non-judgmentally, and learn what feels best in their body.
Is Intuitive Eating Healthy?
I’m sure you care very much about the person who sent you this blog post, and you just want them to be healthy and happy. It’s natural and normal if you’re wondering “Is Intuitive Eating really healthy?”
YES! Intuitive Eating has been associated with improved physical and mental health outcomes such as:
Higher self-esteem
Improved body-trust
Increased satisfaction with life
Improved body image
Optimism and well-being
Reduced guilt/shame around eating
Proactive coping skills
Lower rates of emotional eating
Lower rates of disordered eating
Lower body mass indexes
Higher HDL (good) cholesterol levels
Lower Triglyceride levels
How Can I Support This Person?
So now that you have a better understand of the framework itself, you may be wondering, “How can I best support this person on their journey?”. Well, you can check one box - by taking the time to read this article, you’re showing whoever sent it to you, that they matter to you! Here are some really great questions to ask your loved one on this journey:
“How can I best support you on this journey?”
“How is the Intuitive Eating process going?”
“I’d love to hear more about what you are learning.”
“Is there anything about your Intuitive Eating journey you’d like to share with me or talk to me about?”
“What do you need from me?”
“Where can I learn more?”
“I’m so proud of you and all of the work that you are doing!”
Everyone needs a different type of support which is why I think the first question is so important. Unless they’ve stated otherwise that they do not want to talk to you about this topic, asking questions about it shows you care. Telling this person that you are proud of their growth and progress will mean far more than you could ever realize.
I hope you found this to be helpful. If you still have questions about this process, check out some of my other blog posts or to get started on your own IE journey, click here.